Lisp Developers (Lisp? Really? Yes. Lisp. But no Lisp experience is necessary) Posted 6 Jan 2009

• Project ID:

  366601

• Project Type:

  Fixed

• Budget:

  $1500-$3000 USD
  

Project Description:

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To Apply for this Job
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Please simply copy, paste, and respond to this advertisement by creating a GetAFreelancer Private Message with the following information, "I would require $1500- $2200 for working 200 hours per month without any benefits whatsoever. Because I choose to participate in the '10 Hour Probationary Period' please provide me with the first 2 hour test."

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Rate and Hours
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We will pay each developer $1500- $2200 for working 200 hours per month. That is 7.50 US dollars to 11 US dollars per hour.

Please do not bid for this project if you require a higher rate.

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Overview
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We are currently looking for 1 or 2 or 3 very clever, full-time software application developers (not mere coders) to work with us 200 hours per month for at least a year but hopefully longer.

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Work whichever hours of the day you prefer
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We will permit you to work any hours of the day you prefer. In other words, we do not care which hours of the day you work.

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What a long advertisement!
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We've received lots of questions and had lots of problems. Therefore, we have continually updated this advertisement. We believe strongly that, "An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure."

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Why do we keep reposting this job on GetAFreelancer?
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Why not?

We like to consider many candidates. The world is full of software developers. Furthermore, we offer an attractive job: working from home doing cutting edge software development.

However, most applicants who apply for this job don't meet our standards. Therefore we reject them. In this regard we are not unique; we are normal.

If you are young and inexperienced you may find this paragraph strange, unfair, or difficult to believe, but in the software business the vast majority of candidates who apply for jobs as software developers are rejected. Really.

If we reject you and if you are wise you will use rejection to build character and humility; if you are foolish you will become enraged and bitter because your pride has been wounded. The world is full of enraged and bitter men who walk around with wounded pride because they have been rejected. You are free to join their ranks if you like. As the saying goes, "Misery loves company."

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10 Hour Probationary Period
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We have found that most candidates who apply for jobs on GetAFreelancer are either not really serious (perhaps they are upset with their boss and “Internet dreaming” about a better job somewhere "out there") or or not sufficiently talented (such as, the vast majority of PHP coders). To quickly and easily weed out these candidates we require that you successfully complete our 10 Hour Probationary Period.

We will assign you one 2 hour project which you must complete and submit to us within 24 hours (not including Saturdays and Sundays) . Therefore, if we assign a project to you on Friday, you will not need to complete and submit to us until Monday.

If we are satisfied with how you have performed then we will assign you a second two hour project which you must complete and submit to us within 24 hours (not including Saturdays and Sundays).

If we are again satisfied with how you have performed we will repeat this process three more times until you have completed five such two hour assignments.

If we are satisfied with how you have performed then we will pay you for 10 hours in the amount of 5% of your monthly rate for 200 hours and then you will advance to the 30 Day Probationary Period.

However, if we are *not* satisfied with how you have performed then we will *not* pay you any monies whatsoever for the 10 hours you have worked and we will terminate our relationship with you.

In other words, we require that you work 10 hours for us yet risk receiving no compensation whatsoever. Therefore, if you are not willing to risk working 10 hours for free, you should not apply for this job.

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Steel Bank Common Lisp (SBCL)
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You must develop software for us using Steel Bank Common Lisp (SBCL) http://www.sbcl.org/. Our development server runs Apache and mod_lisp.

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But I don't have any Lisp experience?!?
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Of course, we assume you have practically no experience developing with Lisp. We know that very, very few developers use Lisp. Therefore, we recommend you review "Practical Common Lisp" http://www.gigamonkeys.com/book/ and "Common Lisp HyperSpec" http://www.lispworks.com/documentation/HyperSpec/Front/Contents.htm

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Lisp? Why Lisp?
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Why did we choose Lisp? Isn't Lisp almost, well, almost a dead language? Sort of. We realize that Lisp is hardly used in software development except by a very small group of elite software developers. We chose Lisp for one simple reason: we believe it is the best tool available for building most of the software we need. In other words, we think Lisp is a great language. If you study Lisp we suspect you'll think it's a great language too.

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Are you sure you want to use Lisp? Really?
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Yes. We did not inadvertently or naively choose Lisp. Not at all. We very carefully weighed the pros and cons of various languages and chose to use Lisp.

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If you prefer to use Java or .NET
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If you prefer to use Java or .NET then you definitely should not apply for this job. We do not like those languages at all. We feel strongly that those languages are like diseases. However, we do not mind if you currently develop in one of those languages and, like a refugee from a war zone, are seeking to escape.

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If you prefer to use Perl, Python, and Ruby on Rails
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Even though we like and respect Perl, Python, and Ruby on Rails, if you prefer to use one of these languages then you should not apply for this job either. We know Perl is for the old-timers, Python is what they use at Google, and that "all the cool kids" these days use Ruby on Rails.

We are not trying to be "old school" http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=old+school by using Perl or to be like Google by using Python or to be cool (dude) by using Ruby and Rails. No. We are attempting to develop great software.

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Clever and Eager Autodidacts Wanted
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You must be willing to teach yourself Steel Bank Common Lisp. We will *not* pay for you to learn Steel Bank Common Lisp. You must currently have a *reliable* high speed Internet connection (DSL, Cable, T-1, etc).

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Note to "Lispers"
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If you consider yourself a "Lisper" please read this section carefully.

Lispers seem to be a breed of uber-nerds (super nerds) who are extremely clever in some ways but utterly foolish in others. Lisp is an excellent language for developing software but generally we find Lispers to be arrogant, annoying, and not worth dealing with.

Therefore, if you are a Lisper, unless you are an unusual Lisper, please don't apply for this job. Instead, please go back to commiserate with your fellow Lispers about how hardly any Lisp jobs exist. Ok?

We are looking for clever autodidacts who want to learn Lisp. We are not looking for self-appointed high priests of Lisp (Lispers), who think that we should be thankful that such a brave and enlightened genius like yourself has deigned to apply for this job.

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Software Developers Wanted, not Heads-Down Coders
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http://patrickwilsonwelsh.com/?p=4
"I guarantee you that if your programmers are heads-down cubicle-bound code-crankers 90% of the time, then much of that time is wasted."

If you are a heads-down coder who wants clear and concise specifications that will enable you to put your head down and crank out code, please do not apply for this job.

We are looking to work with software developers not mere coders. We believe that software developers are supposed to receive "stories" (general problems and ideas) from clients and/or customers not "specifications." We believe that software developers are supposed to help gather business requirements and then design mockups (screenshots and screencasts) before they ever begin coding.

Then we believe that software developers are supposed to create the specifications. Yes. We actually believe that software developers are supposed to create the specifications. If you are now thinking to yourself something like,

"What?!? No way! I'm a programmer not a designer man! I write code! I require specifications to code to!"

then please do not apply for this job.

We believe that the idea that Systems Analysts and User Interface Designers will create excellent specifications for Head-Down Coders is ridiculous.

You must be very comfortable spending much time both analyzing business requirements and designing mockups before you ever begin to code.

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Employee Benefits? None. Zero.
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We will provide you with no benefits whatsoever. No medical benefits. No paid holidays. Nothing. But we will pay all fees you will be assessed to receive your money, such as fees charged by GetAFreelancer and ATM machine fees.

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Taxes?
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We will not withhold any taxes from your compensation whatsoever nor will we report your earnings to you local tax authorities. That will be your responsibility alone.

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After the 10 Hour Probationary Period
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We will post projects exclusively for you on GetAFreelancer to work on. Typically these projects will be 4 hours long. You will typically have 2 days to complete these projects. These projects will rarely have a specific deliverable. Instead they will typically be something like, "Work for 4 hours on XYZ and then report your findings."

You *must* sign, scan, and convey to us via the Internet, our NDA (non-disclosure agreement). Of course we would provide you copy of our NDA for you to review if we are interested in working with you.

You *must* scan and convey to us via the Internet copy of your national identification, passport, or similar document. To protect your privacy, you may redact (obfuscate) the document number such as the national identification number or passport number.

"Huh? Why do you need that information? Are you trying to steal my identity!" No.

Of course many folks seem to immediately worry about this sort of thing. Take a look at your passport or national identification card. If you cover over the document number, what's left? A photo of you your name, your address, your gender, and your birthday.

We want this information because if you work with us then you will be gradually create more and more valuable intellectual property for us. Therefore, we want to be able to verify you identity so that we can sue you in a court of law in the event you steal our intellectual property. Doesn't that make sense?

If you are unwilling to provide us with this information or any information we require, please do *not* apply to work with us.

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The 30 calendar day probationary period following the 10 hour probationary period
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During the 30 calendar day probationary period following the 10 hour probationary period, we will allow you to work as few as an average of 2 hours per day (excluding Saturdays and Sundays when we don't expect you to work) but may allow you to work up an average of 8 hours per day (excluding Saturdays and Sundays when we don't expect you to work). In other words, after the 10 hour probationary period we may allow you to begin working full-time with us.

However, we will not require you to begin working full-time during this 30 day period. Why? Because we realize you may currently, for example, have a full-time job which you probably don't like, but at least your current salary "pays your bills."

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After the 30 calendar day probationary period you must be available to work 200 hours per month
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However, after this 30 calendar day probationary period, we will require you to work 200 hours each month with us. Therefore, if you currently have a full-time job or other commitments which would interfere with you working 200 hours each month with us, then after you complete the 30 day probationary period you will almost certainly need to cease working at your current job and/or abandon your other commitments.

In other words, after the 30 calendar day probationary period we are not interested in working with you on a part-time basis. We are only willing to work with you on a part-time basis until you complete the 30 calendar day probationary period so that both you and we may become confident that we should work together on a full-time basis. Please do not apply for this job unless you are willing to work 200 hours each month with us after you complete the 30 calendar day probationary period.

In other words, we realize that many software developers reviewing the opportunities on GetAFreelancer are looking for part-time work. After all, this website is called GetAFreelancer not GetAnEmployee. However, if you are looking for a "side job" or some part-time work to supplement your current income and are therefore hoping to work, say, 50 to 100 hours per month, then please do not apply for this job. We are only interested in working with candidates who will be willing to work 200 hours each month with us after they complete the initial 30 calendar day period.

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What about Vacations?
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We do not provide any benefits whatsoever. None. Zero. Nothing. Of course we know you'll take vacations. Immediately below we describe how you would not be paid for vacations you take.

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Hours per Month
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We would allow you to work more 200 hours per month. For example, if you were to work 250 hours in one month, then you'd be paid for 250 hours. Of course, if, say, you were to take a vacation and therefore only worked 50 hours in a particular month, then you'd only be paid for 50 hours for that month. To determine your hourly rate we will simply divide your monthly rate by 200.

However, except when you are sick or go on vacation, you must be willing to work 200 hours per month. And no, you may not take 4 or 5 "vacations" per month in order to work, say, 75 hours per month so that you can keep your current full-time job, stay in school, fulfill your military service, etc. You must be willing to normally work 200 hours per month.

If you work more than 200 hours per month we'll pay you more, but if you work less more than 200 hours per month we'll pay you less. We are not a paternalistic organization. We won't "take care of you." We are interested in a simple and straightforward contractual relationship in which we pay you for each hour you work and in which you commit to work an average of 200 hours/month (except for those months when you take unpaid vacations or unpaid sick days).

If you want a job with any sort of typical benefits such as paid vacations, medical care, retirement pensions, etcetera this is not the job for you. We are going to pay you strictly by the hour. If this approach seems too brutal or callous or unforgiving we suggest you get a "regular" job with a "regular" company.

Skills required:

C Programming, Engineering, Java, Linux, Perl