Business Descriptions

  • Status: Closed
  • Prize: $65
  • Entries Received: 9
  • Winner: GavinParish

Contest Brief

I need 3 descriptions of my business written for general use in marketing and web sites like our own, Facebook and Google Pus. These should be customer centric and designed with the customers point of view in mind. I would like a longer one and a couple shorter versions of about a paragraph and about 2-3 paragraphs. These will be used on web pages and in marketing materials we produce in house or, if this works well, on Freelancer. This is my first posting so If more information is needed please feel free to ask. I have included a document with our current description and some information about us but, frankly, I am a technician, NOT a writer and after over 20 years in business I am done doing it myself :-)

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Employer Feedback

“We were thrilled with Gavins winning entry in our writing contest. It was top notch!”

Profile image mbrixius, United States.

Public Clarification Board

  • mbrixius
    Contest Holder
    • 11 years ago

    Thank you all for your entries. I have removed older entries and we will be picking a winner tomorrow after our morning meetings

    • 11 years ago
  • ryanjsims
    ryanjsims
    • 11 years ago

    1 like to LCarabajal.

    • 11 years ago
  • ryanjsims
    ryanjsims
    • 11 years ago

    We all have bad days. Hope your day gets better.

    • 11 years ago
  • mbrixius
    Contest Holder
    • 11 years ago

    God what a disaster of a day, I am extending this for 3 days so that you all get the feedback you deserve.

    • 11 years ago
  • mbrixius
    Contest Holder
    • 11 years ago

    An emergency has come up at the office, I WILL finish these feedbacks today. Because I was slow in getting the feedback in (Which I now realize is more important that the initial description) I will do a 3 day extension if anyone who has already made a submission wants me to.

    • 11 years ago
  • mbrixius
    Contest Holder
    • 11 years ago

    I am sorry for the slow feedback. I wanted some feedback from others but they have been too busy. I will drop specific feedback on each piece in the next couple hours but some general feedback that applies to many of them is that they are what I call we we we descriptions that would be ok if they were targeting employees but are not good for customers. People care about how they are helped, not what we have, do or give. For instance if I write "We will have one of our technicians call our customer within an hour of receiving their support request" the information is in terms of US, not them and that makes for poor marketing. It is FAR better to say something like "You will be contacted by your service technician within an hour of placing a support request" which is all about them.

    Thanks so much for all the great submissions, I will get to specific feedback right away and promise faster feedback in the future.

    • 11 years ago
  • mynk16
    mynk16
    • 11 years ago

    Hi mbrixius,

    I understand your requirements very well and will submit an entry very soon.

    - Mayank

    • 11 years ago
    1. mynk16
      mynk16
      • 11 years ago

      #10 it is. Waiting for your valuable feedback.& ratings.

      • 11 years ago
  • anasnasheed
    anasnasheed
    • 11 years ago

    Hi,
    I just submitted my description of your company. Hope you like it.

    • 11 years ago
  • chriskingsley
    chriskingsley
    • 11 years ago

    Hi, you must post it as a project as contests are rarely used for writing projects. :-)

    • 11 years ago
    View 6 more messages Processing...
    1. TheGuyver2040
      TheGuyver2040
      • 11 years ago

      Just so everyone is aware, it seems that users like "Chris Kingsley," are lobbying for writing contests to be canceled in favor of writing projects. In doing so, they hope to leverage an advantage over other users, as they have an established reputation on this site (i.e., some users have been here for 10+ years). Their reputation may not necessarily speak towards their level of skill, however, as many elect to outsource their work to native English speakers. So, there's in fact a method behind the madness. Contest entries from some groups of users are noticeably scarce, as payment is earned through skill rather than name. What results are spam entries - submitted in the hopes of irritating contest holders enough to goad them into project posting.

      • 11 years ago
    2. mynk16
      mynk16
      • 11 years ago

      @mbrixius
      There is no harm posting this as a contest. It is much better cause you will get entries with different writing styles and based on your requirements you can award the best entry.

      • 11 years ago
  • mbrixius
    Contest Holder
    • 11 years ago

    I will rate applicants soon, we are having freezing rain and the power keeps going out (For hours at a time). The power line in front of the house is under extreme strain so I just logged in fast to check but don't want to keep the PC on.

    • 11 years ago
    1. LCarabajal
      LCarabajal
      • 11 years ago

      No stress, contest doesn't end for six days. Stay safe!

      • 11 years ago
  • ryanjsims
    ryanjsims
    • 11 years ago

    Please rate applicants.
    Thank You

    • 11 years ago
  • ryanjsims
    ryanjsims
    • 11 years ago

    i Love the writing contests, especially Copy. I wish there was more. Good luck everyone.

    • 11 years ago
  • nicholaszube
    nicholaszube
    • 11 years ago

    Submission entered! Don't hesitate to let me know if you need anything else to further your business, and I hope you like what you see. Best of luck with your contest!

    • 11 years ago

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