Refine my elevator pitch

  • Status: Closed
  • Prize: €50
  • Entries Received: 3
  • Winner: aaronlowcy

Contest Brief

we are a small company delivering business intelligence services. The result of our work is online/near-or realtime reports, custom made centralised budget systems, intutative online dashboards for analyticts (data visualisation). From this the users are able to get insights way over and above those they are used to getting from their historic financial statements, they can make informed decisions, react quickly to change, and work from qualified data instead of gut feel. In order for us to make this happen we need to work at the back-end joining up data sources from finanace, operations, project, production, time systems etc etc etc so that they get an overview of their "big picture". For us to make things simple for them is actually a hugely complex job.. From the end user perspective, our models save them huge amounts of time, increase the quality of their information, enhance accuracy of their information, removes the over reliance on complex error prone excel sheets (and consequental person dependance - as usually only one person can work those sheets!) In my previous attempts at pitching I have figured out people do not care about all of the back-end stuff (which represents about 80% or our work), but only the "what is in it for me" bit.. I have tried literally 100's of different versions of the same thing, none of them have quite hit the mark, or triggered that emtional response of "I must have this!". Now I am opening up a contents for all the writers out there to see if I can get some inspiration! Since the power of emerging technologies which make all of this possible and affordable are a reletively new thing, we are either met by business owners with huge enthusiasm, but most often sceptisim, in the form of "what can you do for me, I am running my business just fine, why would I need to spend money on your services, I have been doing this for ages perfectly well without you, are you telling me that my decisions are not good??!". If we meet accounts staff they become terrified we will automate them away, whereas we try to emphasise the positive in that we are actually freeing them from the repetative work so that they can make better use of their time to analyise results and make recommendations.. These people literally cannot (or will not) see beyond the comfort of what they know, but in our opinion if you want to grow, diversify or even just maintain your current position in this era of digitalisation you need to do something to eliminate all the inefficiencies or you will be eventually overtaken.
My latest version looks like this, I think it gets the message across but is maybe a little unelegant. The reason we are good at doing this is that we combine management accounting knowledge with technical expertise, an ideal combination of skill sets for completing this sort of work. Note, the pitch should sound natural, and it should be a short 60 second pitch that most people can relate to, whether or not the are in business.
Pitch as is:-
For your business to thrive and grow you need to know what’s working, what’s not and how to improve. We create Business Intelligence solutions which give you insights far superior to those you can gain from your monthly financial statements.
Our models can prove exactly what, how and why things are happening in your business. This gives you the opportunity to replicate success, react quickly to changing conditions and to lead your business in the direction you want to go.
Good luck!

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Employer Feedback

“A good delivery from Aaron, with quality work and a nice backup explanation. Many thanks.”

Profile image lauralandmark, Norway.

Top entries from this contest

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Public Clarification Board

  • aaronlowcy
    • 5 months ago

    Kindly review and rate entry #3. Thanks

    • 5 months ago
  • Aristondiho
    • 5 months ago

    Do you require any title for the pitch?

    • 5 months ago
    1. lauralandmark
      Contest Holder
      • 5 months ago

      no title needed

      • 5 months ago
  • WesleyJeftha
    • 5 months ago

    Should the pitch be approximately the same length as the document provided?

    • 5 months ago
    1. lauralandmark
      Contest Holder
      • 5 months ago

      it should take about 60 seconds to say

      • 5 months ago

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