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Review 10 page essay based on teacher feedback and add 1 page of original content

i have a 9.5 page essay (double spaced) i need edited based on the feedback my teacher gave me. i then need one more content added to make another page

Teachers feedback:

A lot of your sentences need a good edit for structure and word choice, so make sure to leave time for that work. I'm going to focus my feedback here more on content and organization. The outline you proposed could work, but I'm not seeing that structure playing out clearly in your paper. You have a lot of ideas in this paper: you touch on the history of residential schooling, current education on reserves, indigenous education (both for indigenous students and more broadly), but you're not really looking at any one issue clearly or thoroughly. I think one exercise that would help is making sure that each paragraph you're writing has a clear point of focus; if you start a new idea, you should start a new paragraph, and that might help you notice when you're moving away from an idea. Many of your ideas need slight clarification--What do you mean when you say internal conflict; internal to whom or where?  What does species-being look like in the context of your paper? Why are bridge programs unavailable to students with First Nations backgrounds (or is it just harder to access for students living on reserves)? What kind of afterschool programs are needed? Indigenous education is a whole field of study--there are lots of people studying how we can teach indigenous students better AND how we can teach non-indigenous students to be better allies. You need to lay out the history, current situation, and proposed solution more clearly.

Skills: Research Writing

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