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What problems does this text have?

US-english NATIVE speaker must read the 8000-words summary of the novel and point every problem (unclear meaning/questionable places, weird sentence structure, punctuation and anything alike), discuss it with me and rewrite such places.

We must get simple, clear and easy to read and comprehend text.

Here is the begining:

The plane that was evacuating children from school due to military operations crashed on a desert island.

The twelve-year old boy Ralph goes down the tattered jungle strap (caused by the fallen plane) to the coast. He hears someone's voice from the brushwood. Another boy struggles through the bushes. He is shorter, very fat and has been wearing glasses for three years already. He is concerned whether other children survived, as well as the only adult on the plane – the pilot. Ralph, in turn, is carefree and happy about no adults as if his dreams have come true. He is not interested in the fat boy’s name at all.

They go to the water. The fat boy gets abdominal pain due to unknown berries. He crouches down among the foliage.

Ralph comes ashore. He views a thin strip of the beach lined with palm trees, calm waters of the lagoon, foaming about a mile from the shore above the coral reef. Everything is just melting in the heat; Ralph is splashed with heat. He takes off all his clothing. He is laughing happily, jumping and sprinkling sand on his chest.

Here comes the fat boy and takes of his wind jacket. He offers to call a meeting and make a list of all the children gathered. He does not care about how he`d be called just not to be nicknamed as ever – Piggy. It seems funny for Ralph and he starts teasing him. Piggy asks him to tell no one this nickname.

Then Piggy races back into the brushwood.

Ralph explores the coast. There is a large pink granite platform on shore that enters into the sea. It has dead palm trees on it which are comfortable to sit on. There is a warm pond nearby which merges with the sea only at the time of high tide. Ralph swims there with pleasure.

Here comes Piggy and he takes off his shoes carefully and tests the water with his foot, takes off his shorts and comes in with care. He cannot swim due to asthma; he recalls his aunt’s instructions. Both asthma and aunt cause only a grin in Ralph.

Ralph says that his father, fleet commander, will save them. Piggy blushes and confesses that he is an orphan.

Piggy is certain that nobody would find them because the pilot said something about the atomic bomb that destroyed the airport, so it is impossible to fix their location.

Ralph runs to dress up and sits on the trunk in the shade of winding palm trees. Piggy comes and says that they have to do something. But Ralph doesn’t worry.

The boys find a shell in the lagoon waters. Ralph drives fish away from it with a palm sprout. Then he leverages it and Piggy draws it out. Piggy is certain that it is precious. Ralph takes it and Piggy says that his friend has a similar one and they can blow the shell to convene other children. It doesn’t work out with Ralph – all that emanates is just a slight funny sound that makes them both laugh. Finally, it sounds deafeningly loud, scaring away all the living things in the jungle. The boys are delighted. Ralph blows again and again, stronger then weaker. Six-year old Johnny appears innocently smiling. Other voices are heard from the forest. Kids appear along the beach, someone in school clothes, and someone half naked or totally naked carrying their clothes. They sit on the fallen palm trees and obediently waiting and whispering, call out their names to Piggy, who is trying to remember all of them.

Skills: Article Rewriting, Editing, Proofreading

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