Writer with B.A. in English. Currently employed in the IT field but looking to gather some side freelance work writing and editing.
Here is a sample work:
Hey
Much to my attorney's chagrin Andrew and I went on a road trip last Friday. Our destination: Allentown PA. We had a ton of fucking fun running around a Hatebreed concert with our "support runners". Perhaps we had too much fun as we ended up in a hotel passed out in room 413 (which we found to be a funny coincidence at the time).
Eight hours in the car and some good video of Andrew picking his nose, almost killing us with his car and hot chick alerts later we returned to our homes to ready ourselves for Hatebreed again. Andrew hooked me up so I could record not only an open act named Thy Will Be Done, but I got to video the almighty Hatebreed! How the video came out is still up in the air (and waiting to get edited). It was truly an honor to have both bands be the first (and hopefully not the last) bands I was able to video tape live. It was a trill I will not soon forget.
Hatebreed is phenomenal. I am so pissed at myself for falling asleep at their show one week earlier.
Enough with the bullshit rants on things you already know.
One thing we found on our way to Allentown was the mystery of I-287. Somehow this road can go North, South, East and West. Should anyone be able to explain this phenomenon; please email me with the answer (the prize will be warm, wet and slimy shot upon your hands with a special "applicator").
Another finding was the inability of the "Southern" (New Jersey and PA are NOT Southern, yet they seem to think otherwise) Dunkin Donuts to provide consistent and decent iced coffee. Most of the coffees tasted like they came from my asshole. Additionally, two of the facilities in the establishments were broken. Having eaten Taco Bell before a four hour trip you can imagine the beast which needed to be released. I had to return my purchase at the nearest Taco Bell in New Jersey (yes, I used my receipt). We referred to it as to "returning the best from whence it came". I am glad I checked the return policy as they ran out of toilet paper and I had to use the extra large receipt to wipe my large asshole.
I did my research and found that my attorney should be getting a cut of the DD profits. If you look closely at the DD website a company Allied Domecq acquired Dunkin Donuts in 1990. This company was then acquired by a partnership between Pernod Ricard ([login to view URL]) and Beam Global Spirits ([login to view URL] (a Fortune Brands ([login to view URL]) company). My attorney is a Ricard. She should see some profits. Since this is so, should I not expect the next DD coffee flavor to be Jim Beam or Wild Apple Pucker? How about a DD with a splash of Ricard? Where are my DD golf balls?
I'm getting off topic.
I submitted the following to Dunkin Donuts: I may be banned for life.
I can't stand when I go to PA or NJ for coffee. I frequent my local DD at least 7-8 times per week. I order one thing: Large Iced Coffee Black. When I go to these other places (outside the Western MA/North Western CT) area I receive shoddy service, bad coffee and am greeted with a broken restroom. I had to go back to a Taco Bell to "exercise the demons". I hoped as a frequent and loyal customer, I would be treated with respect.
You should make sure your stores outside of New England (and even some in NE) keep the same standards you set and claim to uphold, otherwise, you will continue to loose your loyal fan base to those Italian speaking bastards over at Starbucks.
Good day sir.
