Hello
I'd be very happy to help you with your copy for the tee shirt packaging and I liek the idea behind the whole packaged concept - I sense that a little added value is required for a promium proced garment.
I have had a good look at your current text and it is generally 'Okay', but again I sense that 'Okay' isn't good enough, and that you want 'Great!'
However one aspect which you have exactly right is using the word 'you' in your current text as it is vital the reader is engaged and made to feel it is a personal message.
I would never guarantee to get the text right first time, but with input/feedback from you on a 'working draft' I would anticipate getting it right second time around, and so my bid is based on one submission and one rewrite.
I also got a sense that this is more a personal, almost bespoke type item, though I do accept it is not. Just to give you an idea of where my head is at having read your copy, would it cause problems if you had a printed signature and your name under the main body of the text, not after all the additions? It just makes the product more special, unique and 'personal'.
Anyway, as far as writing skills are concerned, I am one of few Freelancers with top level 2 UK English and you will see from my full profile that I have over 250 projects on editing, proofreading and writing copy, all completed at an average 5* rating.
Please feel free to contact me if you require any additional information.
Kind Regards
David Dundas