Hi, my name is Anthony and I am an experienced writer and proofreader. In addition to that I read for fun quite a bit and am therefore pretty well adjusted to what a great and compelling story should sound like. Not only will I edit out any typos and continuity errors, etc. But I will also provide suggestions on how to make your story even more appealing to the average reader in terms of diction and "showing" rather than "telling" in some places where more scene description and less bare bones "he did this" "he did that" could be implemented.
I noticed in the sample you provided that there are a few words that had been overused, such as "hold" and "holding" nearly right next to each other. I realize you're going for a specific image, but it weakens the work regardless of the author's intentions if a reader has to break their train to stop and worry about your language. You also have lots of awkward tense changes in the sample that I could help you fix up.
Let me know if you're interested, or shoot me a PM if you have any questions.